I was sleeping,, I was dreaming, dreaming of a beautiful world, that love could do any thing in that world.... I dreamed that I was a nice girl, both mentally and physically, I loved any one,, any one, I wanted to do any thing to bring smile to others,, I did my best,, I loved some one, some special prince,, that when for the first one we met, I promised to my self, to be the best person in the world for him, I wanted to live with him forever, I thought that my love could do any thing,, I suffered from many things, mentally and physically,, I had many many diseases, but I thought the power of love would survive me,, suddenly there was a big shock, I woke up,, and found that all that beatiful dream was a nightmare,,, no one needs my love,, no one needs me,, no one lives for me,,, but untill that time, I used to live for some one else, my self was nothing for me, I enjoyed the most when I saw others satisfied..... but after that fucking nightmare,, I found out that all of the people around me, think that I'm just a dreamer that loves to feel bad, that loves to hurt her self,,, suddenly I found that I couldn't express my feeling any more, it was a long time that I forgot my self,, that I forgot there's a person in the world, that just suffer from other's pain, that cry many many times for their problems, but the only thing that I gained was my diseases,, Cancer, heart attacks,,, every day, Migren,, and other pains because of my illness,,, Now I know that I dreamed about 23 years,,,, love is a lie, that no one needs it.... as no one needs me,too! Now I'm alone, with my sick thoughts,,, I feel deeply broken, I have no other value even for me,,, I hate my self,,, I just wanna scape from every one I know, because I can't hear any other thing,, they all agree that I'm sick, that I'm psyco, they leave me alone by myslef, and said that the rest of my life is none of their business, but when I want to finish my life, no one let me feel free, today I went to Dr. , he didn't see me, just saw the result of my check up, but he told me to be in hospital on Saturday... I don't know anything about future, I just pray,I don't wanna live any more, and it's none of no one's bussiness.. if it was important for any one,, they tried to do some thing for me,,, it's not their duty,as I said in my dreams I looked at world some how different,, and now I know that no one in this fucking world, do any thing for others, every one just think of their selves,, nevermind, I will do the same,too..... in 18 days I'll be 23 years old, but I feel like a old woman, an ugly one... I just don't wanna survive any more. Bye
